WHY AM I MARRIED? 


You  have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or  get married and wish you were dead.  

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you  wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' 'Yes, I am. I married  the wrong man.'



A  lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'. Next day  she received a hundred letters.They all said the same thing: 'You  can have mine.'  

When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge  than to let her keep him.

A  woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished  .

A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to  get married?' Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'  

A young son asked,'Is it true Dad, that in  some parts of Africa a man  doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in  every country,  son.'

Then  there was a woman who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I  got married, and by then, it was too late.'



Marriage  is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.  
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to  every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

Just  think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they  had no faults at all.

First  guy says, 'My wife's an angel!' Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky,  mine's still alive.'

'A  Woman's Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to  Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if  I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death'  

AND  NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!  

Husband  and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man  joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it  overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.  

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the  husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he  taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of  rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'  

The blind man replies, 'If you would've put a rubber at the end of  YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell  up.'